“If you gain 3 kilos, all your problems will go away.”

“I truly believe that if you gain 3 kilos, all your problems will go away.”

That’s not something I EVER expected to hear from a doctor. Especially a very experienced professor in Endocrinology, highly recommended by a few of my other specialists. Especially after I had explained in detail over the course of an hour that I had always been this shape and that the rest of my family was the same.

I’ve always been a skinny girl, and trust me, it’s not from lack of trying to gain weight. My diet has consisted of carbs and chocolate since I was a little girl. Pasta, bread, potatoes, bagels, rice, they’re all my favourite things! I’ll choose a burger or a pizza over a salad any day! And yet, here I stand, 172cm and 52 kilos.

Growing up I had several doctors ask me if I eat. And that ALWAYS confused me so much. Of course I eat, what a ridiculous question! In fact, I never stop eating! I graze all day long, and that’s never changed. Though when I look back at photos, I do see why they were concerned at the time. I was VERY thin.

But looking at myself now, I don’t think I look sickly skinny to the point where a doctor would blame all my health issues on a measly 3 kilos!

When my health first took a turn for the worst, I lost 6 kilos. I dropped down from 54 to 48 kilos. It was noticeable to everyone and I often heard people talking about how thin I’d become. But there wasn’t much I could do about that. My GP told me to eat whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it to try put the weight back on until I could yet my appetite back.

And I did. I became a huge fan of cheesecake, and relished in the idea of being able to eat it all day guilt free. And I put 4 kilos back on. Back to an average weight for myself. Awesome! Now if I could gain those extra 2 kilos back, it was really just a bonus, but no biggie for the moment.

So when I finally saw this professor, back at my normal weight, and explained all this, hearing him tell me that all my health issues would go away if I gained an extra 3 kilos brought up a lot of questions for me.

Why 3 kilos? If I’ve always been this weight but been healthy previously, why is my weight an issue now? Are you really allowed to promise me such a thing? Are you dense?

All those questions and more were running through my head. It was absurd to me! And yet, when I got home and mentioned this seemingly crazy doctors prognosis to a few people, they agreed with him.

WTF?!

Suddenly everyone around me was telling to me gain weight and then I’d feel all better, watching what I ate and telling me to eat more. Like I hadn’t spent years trying to gain weight with no success, like I could just force myself to shovel in more food, like my metabolism would just change in an instant. Had everyone lost their god damn minds?! I couldn’t figure out what on earth was going on.

But later on I realised. These people care about me, and saw me go from a healthy and energetic 28 year old, to a sick girl who barely had the energy to go to work, kept ending up in emergency, had shed 6 kilos in no time at all, and suddenly had a whole other list of issues that no one could understand or explain. And they hear me come home and tell them that a doctor gave me an answer, and they clung to it. I understand that.

What I don’t understand is a highly experience professor making false promises to a woman with health issues simply because it would hurt his ego to admit he couldn’t figure out what was going on. What’s more is that it’s dangerous for a someone in his position to ever do that without the relevant tests to back up that claim, and to rule out anything sinister.

Guess what Dr Dense, I went to Fiji and gained those 3 kilos, and not one thing changed (shocker.) If anything, my health has deteriorated in the last year since I’ve seen you.

It truly scares me that he dismissed me so carelessly. How many other people has he done this to? With a reputation like his, I like to hope it’s very few. But with a reputation like his, it makes it all the more dangerous if he was saying this to other people. Other people who might believe him and not look further into their health.

There’s two things I took from that experience. Doctors are human and make mistakes too, and second opinions are not only acceptable, but crucial.

Dear Doctor

Dear Doctor,

Two years ago I came to you for help. I sat in front of you, a desperate and broken woman in unbearable pain, and you broke me down further. You hammered me into the ground until I truly doubted myself. Am I crazy? Is this all in my head?

When I saw you that day, my UTI had gotten so bad that I was peeing straight blood. I was ill, I was hurting, and I knew in my gut exactly what was going on… My Endometriosis has returned only one year after you performed your last surgery. You believed in your own skills so much that you didn’t believe me. You took my concerns about my health as a swift kick to your balls, because somehow this was about you.

You sat there and laughed at me. You told me it was most likely psychological because I was just ‘used to’ being in pain. You told me I probably had back problems. You were grasping at straws for any explanations that weren’t that my body was growing Endometriosis at an insane rate, because that simply didn’t fit in with your text book information.

But in the end, you knew that I wasn’t leaving that office until you agreed to perform surgery the next week. I wasn’t going anywhere until I got help, even if it was from someone like you.

The day I had surgery, you still tried to convince me that you wouldn’t find anything. That there wouldn’t be Endometriosis on my bladder like I suspected, because it’s “SO rare” that it causes UTI’s, almost impossible. You smiled condescendingly at me while you patted my hand and told me this was all pointless.

You made me feel like I was being violated, because you had become the last person in the world I trusted to perform my surgery. But I was desperate, I knew in my heart that I needed surgery, and I needed it now.

When I woke up in my hospital bed, you visited me. And with a polite smile you said that you had found small amounts of Endometriosis throughout my pelvic region, as well as on my bladder. Dear Doctor, am I allowed to say I told you so?

A few months later I went for a follow up appointment, but not with you. I found a new gynecologist down the hall from you, one with more skill, understanding of complex Endometriosis, and above all, empathy. She told me that my surgery with you had absolutely shown substantial amounts of Endometriosis and that, though rare, it definitely could (and in this case did) cause UTI’s. You lied to me to save your pride, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Dear Doctor, you’re a fantastic surgeon, but your bed side manner sucks to say the least. Next time, with your next patient, do better.

Kind regards,

Your Ex Patient