We all ask ourselves this from time to time, right? What am I, as a person, truly worth?
I think it’s something those of us with a chronic illness ask ourselves a lot more frequently, especially when those around us continue to place our value on what our bodies can do on any given day.
This past 12 months, since the breakdown of my last long term relationship, I’ve been on a lot of dates. No one could accuse me of not playing the field, of not going in search of that right person for me. I’ve grown through each person that I’ve met, become more confident and realised more and more that my value is most certainly not based on my illness. I’ve realised I don’t need someone to see me as valuable for me to have value. I’ve realised I don’t want someone like that in my life.
I have also realised, that someone can in fact love me for everything that I am, illness and all!
When my health was brought up as one of the reasons for that breakup, it shook me to my core. Being sick was not something that I could help, and it simply told me that me, as a person, was not enough.
Ha! How backwards is that?!
We don’t actually have a choice in what happens to our bodies. Whether it be chronic migraines, Endometriosis, Cancer, chronic fatigue… We’re all at risk of it. And there’s something to be said about that whole ‘in sickness and in health’ thing. There’s a reason it’s in wedding vowels. Because everyone, at some point in their lives, will become ill or get injured.
Does that change your worth?
No, it does not.
And if that person can’t stick by your through it, they don’t deserve to be in your life. They’re not throwing you out like broken trash… They’re actually setting you free from some shackles that you didn’t even realise were dragging you down. I stuck by someone when they couldn’t stick by me, and that’s simply no life to live.
As a person, I am genuine, kind, creative, patient… I’m loyal, honest, and I put my whole heart into every relationship I have. As a person, I’m worth a hell of a lot, and I don’t say that in a bragging way. I just know my worth now, even where others couldn’t see it.
What did I do about my illness? I took time off work, I took time to look after myself and rest. And then I built a life for myself around my illness, a life that has brought me more happiness than any one person, any other career, ever could.
My illness brought me a resilience and strength that a lot of people never find in their lifetime. As humans, we’re adaptable. So, I adapted.
That’s all we can do. Work with what we have, and continue to adapt.
If you’re sick, if you’re going through a flare up, just rest. It’s okay. You’re still so important as a human being, you still bring something amazing to this world.
You bring your heart, your one-of-a-kind soul that can never be replicated. That, in itself, is worth everything.
What you do, what you have done with the situation that has been dealt to you in this life, makes your worth grow above and beyond those who would judge you for it. Hold on to that resilience, hold it close… Because that, my dear, is the rarest diamond of all.