Month: October 2019

Endo Facts

Recently I received feedback that my messages were great, but that I still hadn’t explained much about Endometriosis. And I thought holy crap, it’s time to get down to the point!

So here it is. What is Endometriosis? Endometriosis is defined as a condition resulting from the appearance of endometrial tissue (which usually hangs out inside the uterus where it’s meant to be) outside the uterus and causing pelvic pain, especially associated with menstruation.

To explain that further, this means that when a woman with Endometriosis menstruates, endometrial tissue sheds and grows in the pelvic region (like the bladder, bowel, ovaries and rectum. Or very rarely the abdomen, lungs or brain.) In short, it causes a whole lot of shitty widespread symptoms and pain, occasionally all month long if you’re really unlucky, like myself. In the later stages, it can cause infertility due to internal damage. It’s basically your body attacking itself during what should be a natural and harmless process for a woman.

I don’t know many people that are actually aware of Endometriosis, even women. Which surprises me because 1 in 10 women suffer from it, and that’s just confirmed cases! So many still go undiagnosed because women are brought up to believe that severe pain with their period is normal, or that they’re just bunging it on. Guess what, it’s NOT normal! And most definitely should not be tolerated.

There are 4 stages of Endometriosis. I myself suffer from stage 2, which is considered a mild form. It has spread far and wide, but hasn’t caused damage to any of the organs, but the implants are deeper into the tissue than stage 1. However, I do also suffer from scar tissue forming from the 5 surgeries I’ve gone through to treat the Endometriosis, which is also quite common. Guess how you fix that? More surgery! Fix one problem, cause another. *Face palm*

I’ll move on to stage 4. This is the most widespread. There are many deep implants and thick adhesions. There are also large cysts on one or both ovaries. In many cases, this takes a few invasive surgeries in one go to treat, and is likely to cause infertility without treatment. On many occasions, women with stage 4 Endometriosis don’t actually experience many symptoms apart from some period pain, so never realise they have it until they have difficulty having children. Whereas stage 1 & 2 Endometriosis could result in severe and debilitating symptoms. Who would have thought?!

Unfortunately, there is no cure for Endometriosis. Some doctors say having kids will rid you of the disease, while for some people, having kids brings on the disease. There is no rhyme or reason to how Endo acts or what brings it on and the symptoms are different in each and every person, so even doctors are still confused by this common condition. This causes huge delay in treatment. Which brings me to my next point…

Treatment for this disease is different in everyone. Some people fair quite well on the contraceptive pill, while others only respond to surgery. Some women even have one surgery and never have any problems with it again. In my experience, every hormonal treatment has caused nightmarish symptoms, including almost having a stroke. For now, surgery is my only go to – and because of the complexity of my condition, this happens almost yearly. For the future, after children, a hysterectomy has been placed on the table as the next form of treatment.

In conclusion, Endometriosis is a hellish condition that turns a woman’s life into a living nightmare simply from menstruation. I hope that sums it up well enough! Try to have compassion for a woman with this disease, they may be struggling more than they let on ❤

The Depo Darkness

I often hear men and women alike joke about women’s hormones. She’s angry, so she must have PMS. That’s hilarious, right?

It’s not often lately that I get really bad PMS, mostly I just get extra jittery and anxious. But now and then it really hits me, and I spend the better part of a day crying or just feeling really low. I don’t really see that as funny. Emotions are all valid regardless of the cause. More than anything, it makes me really feel for the women that deal with that monthly, or the women suffering through menopause.

That brings me to my Depo Provera disaster.

Approximately 5 years ago I was prescribed a treatment for Endometriosis after a surgery, in the form of a Depo Provera injection. This is a reasonably common form of birth control that get’s injected into your butt cheek (hehe), and lasts for 3 months. The main ingredient of this injection is Progestin, which effectively stops ovulation. This in turn also prevents Endometriosis from growing outside your uterine wall.

However, what my gynecologist at the time forgot to take into consideration was my sensitivity to medications, especially the hormonal kind. Within a week of getting this injection, I was too depressed to even make it into work. And guess what… There are no medications to counteract an injection that stays in your body for at least 3 months.

I proceeded to spend the next few months with severe insomnia – sleeping a maximum of 2 hours a night. Spending the rest of the night either tossing and turning or simply crying and wondering how I was going to get through this. Of course, I didn’t actually realise at first that it was this injection causing my sudden depression, no one had explained to me that it was a possible side effect. I was only 6 months into dating my boyfriend, Aiden, and we both started to believe that it was my relationship with him that was giving me grief. This caused a tremendous strain on our new relationship, and left a few of his friends that I’d just met thinking I was an emotional wreck, and rightly so! Let’s face it, that’s exactly what I was.

So what happened after 3 months? Well… turns out that emotional side effects caused by this injection actually get worse before they get better. And so, I spent the better part of a year severely depressed . Not even being able to work most of the time – and when I did work I spend most of the day counting the minutes until I could curl up in bed and hide again.

I kept everyone in that dark about all of this. My parents saw the severe anxiety and panic attacks it caused in the beginning, but no one knew the true extent of my depression until I broke down crying in front of my mum in a cafe.

I would like to take a second to point out that I very rarely cry, and I basically never cry in front of anyone else. It’s not because I’m emotionally unstable, it’s just generally not what I do. So my mum seeing me cry for the first time in probably 15 years… Well it really kind of freaked her out, to say the least. She finally saw what I was going through. But despite that, I still felt embarrassed to share this with anyone else. I often laid awake and cried while Aiden slept without saying a word to him about it, and I never let my friends in on the whole truth. No one saw the real darkness that was caused by one simple hormonal ‘treatment’.

Do you still think it’s funny when a woman is being hormonal?

Mental illness is no joke. When it’s caused by or coupled with hormones, to put it plainly, you feel like you’re losing your god damn mind! Imagine feeling perfectly fine one day, and losing all control of your emotions the next. This is a lot more prominent in women with conditions such as Endometriosis or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, but no one seems to talk about it. It’s a very real side effect, especially to so many of the treatments for these conditions. Do you see why I can’t see the funny side to that?

I’m not laughing, and neither should you. The seriousness of this needs to be recognised. Next time a woman is “just being hormonal,” stop and think for a second. That thought, that realisation, could save your wife’s, sister’s, mother’s or daughter’s life.

To all the women out there struggling, please believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Speak out, get help and support. It’s 100% okay to need that 💙

Puppy Love

This one hurts to write. As I sit here in the sunny (vaguely windy) Fiji, I find my mind constantly wandering back to this one consuming thought… When we return home, our beloved Husky will have to be put to rest.

On our first day in Fiji we learnt that she had a malignant tumor growing, the kind that even treatment can’t help. She’s only 6 years old.

This breaks my heart for many reasons. The main one being that I have never met such a beautiful soul before. She found a place in my heart the moment I met her. But also for another reason… She has been my constant comfort and companion through all my battles with my health.

So many Saturday night’s in I’ve spent with her snuggled up to me, because I’m simply too unwell to go anywhere. I’d feel lonely and guilty for not being able to go out with my friends or boyfriend – not being able to party like I used to love. But there was one comfort… I wasn’t alone, not while I had her asleep beside me.

The sad fact is, loneliness is a huge factor in illness – mental and physical illness alike. It’s a very personal battle that no one else can relate to, because all our battles are different. But I always found one light in that darkness, and that was Tikaani. When I was sick or in pain (which, let’s face it, is daily) she was there right by my side. I know some people don’t think dogs can sense those things, but she sure could.

I vividly remember her walking slowly and gently beside me as I trudged up the stairs after an Endometriosis surgery, and how she carefully laid down next to me on the bed, careful not to touch me. Or when muscle aches in my legs were so bad one night that I couldn’t lay still, she laid on my legs which miraculously helped the pain and I fell back asleep shortly after. That one moment convinced me to invest in a weighted blanket* which has been amazing in preventing that pain and restlessness getting too bad at night.

What will I do without that? It really is a scary thought. One I’m struggling to think about. The comfort pets can bring people with chronic physical and mental illness has suddenly become very clear to me. Something I didn’t quite appreciate sooner. That loss will be absolutely profound.

Even as I sit here typing this, I still find myself unable to fully comprehend this fact, and I strongly feel for all those who have had to suffer similar situations. I would like to show appreciation for all those beautiful animals that give love and comfort in times of pain and illness, and who never fail to be by our side when needed.

Here’s to Tikaani – the beautiful, kind, and loving soul I was lucky to have in my life for what felt like the briefest of moments ❤

*Note – I strongly recommend weighted blankets for chronic pain and restless leg syndrome, even insomnia. Happy to recommend a certain type or answer any questions. Simply contact me at contactlaura@laurainreallife.blog.